rEEVEElution
by Cecil Kain Cerberus
Summary: Eevee is sick and tired of being the punch line to the Mary Sue joke. Determined to prove he can write a better fanfic than all those stupid thirteen year olds, he creates a revolution for all those abused Suemons and the lonely unPokeables.


_It waz ah butiful day whe Raven dia Morningway Ashley Misty Kay stepd o beufiul san. 'Ah, god dai 2 stat ma jorney.' Shes says 2 the ske. As she mad her wai ovr, she stopd 2 chek her beutful blonfd hare & her gorges blu eyes. She was a large bust & curves very way. beside her waz a shiny, slivr coloed waz so kawaii so shes nam her sakura sailormoon teddy ber (cuz eevee waz a girl)—_

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

With one swift movement of the paw, Eevee slapped the orange keyboard hard, causing the screen to blink briefly before a scream came out of the small mouth under the monitor.

"Owww! Eevee, that was cruel! Hitting me like that…"

Eevee gave the computer possessed Rotom a Leer. Flinching slightly, Rotom cleared its throat, before stated, "You know, you really shouldn't let stuff like this get on your nerves—"

"Shut the f*** up, Rotom!" Eevee accursed, pointing a finger (if that's what you call the appendages on the paw) at it. "You're not constantly being shoved into half-ass written stories, forced to be," and here the Evolution Pokémon's voice went high-pitched, sounding utterly ridiculous by Rotom's standards, "'the most kawaii Pokémon eva!'" To that, Eevee returned to Leering at Rotom.

Rotom rolled its eyes. "Oh, don't you go giving me this crap. I already get an earful from some of the other Legendaries."

"But do I honestly look like a stuffed Teddy Bear to you?!" Eevee exclaimed angrily.

Rotom snickered. "Well, if you want my opinion, you're more of the Pedobear type…"

"Argh!" Marching off on four legs, Eevee huffed, a deep scowl set on normally cute, soft brown features. It didn't take long, though, for Eevee's anger to bring about attention, because shortly afterward, Charmander approached.

"Yo, man," the Fire Lizard stated easily. "Whoa, someone step on your tail or something?"

"Try reading another shitty fanfic."

"Ouch." Charmander visibly winced. "I hear you. You know I'm a favorite of those creepers, too."

"Tell me, Charmander," Eevee asked. "Do I honestly, and I mean, honestly look like some kind of cuddly pet that a thirteen year old would throw into her sick fantasy?"

Charmander put a claw to his smooth chin and began walking around Eevee, surveying every feature carefully before pausing. "Well," he stated grimly, "should I give you the bullshit version, or the blunt truth?"

"It's gonna hurt, right?"

"Definitely."

"Hit me."

"You're the very definition of cute and cuddly," Charmander stated factually. "Your image was probably inspired by Teto from Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, and your mix of dog and cat features can captivate anyone with a heart. You have a soft cry, are very adorable to most teenage girls, and those big ears of yours don't help any."

Eevee groaned loudly. "But the fact I'm a male must mean something, right?"

Charmander chuckled. "Only in a reverse harem story, kiddo. And even then, I'm sure much buttsex will ensue should any Suethor get her grubs on it."

Eevee whined, throwing himself to the ground, tail completely limp with ears drubbed. "Why…?"

Charmander gave a shrug. "Beats me. All I know is those kids mean busy, and any kind of criticism will get them throwing a spaz attack."

Eevee merely moaned again, his paws covering his face in utter agony at the thought of constantly being used. It's not like he was against being used in fanfics; it's just that he hated being paired with a sparkly Mary Sue. He wanted to slam his head into the ground! If only there was a way...

Wait! His ears perked up. "I have an idea!" he declared slowly, in awe of his own genius.

Charmander arched a scaly eye. "Dare I ask?"

Eevee simply jumped off his paws and howled, "Come with me, Charmander! Today is the day we stop being pushovers! No longer will we stand to be Mary Sue toys! No, we shall declare independence!"

"How?"

"By writing a fanfiction of our own, of course!"

Charmander gave a low whistle. "Not a bad idea, Eevee. Not a bad idea."

Thus began their epic journey of combating badfics with their own brilliant fiction. But the quest would soon prove to be challenging, with our heroes completely unaware of what was to come.


End file.
